Writers block.

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As always, I will gift you a picture of my cat, because she is a gorgeous little furry human, or at least she thinks she is!

I haven’t written on here for a long time, and to be honest, it’s because I don’t know what to say. I have been having a very bad few weeks, including being stressed at work, college ending and not having achieved my full HND (as per my 5 years plan) and also I lost one of my close friends, who sadly took her own life. It’s not something I can ever blame myself for, it is no-ones fault. I just wish I could have helped or even known something wasn’t okay with her. The support I received from friends and even my work was exceptional, but I am still having nightmares about the whole situation, the stress of that combined with my anxiety is completely exhausting me.

One thing I am more than grateful for is Daniel, I realised the other day we have been together for 4 and a half years now, If one person can help me through everything its him. He has been so strong and so calm through every issue, every breakdown, every anxiety attack and even every trip to the hospital. I keep seeing people I used to know with their new relationships and how they are all getting engaged and married, even having children. One thing I can’t wait for in my life is to have kids, but I know for a fact I am not to mature enough yet or even healthy enough to be able to raise a human being. I know that if Daniel and I fell into that situation he would do as he always does, and find a solution for us to be able to be a happy family with everything we needed. I just hope that when the time comes we are ready. I just plan on being engaged and married first, I am sure when we have the money he will have it on his mind too. One of my favourite parts of our relationship is when he begins to discuss our future – where we will holiday, how we will raise our kids, what kind of wedding we want, even what kind of bed sheets we will have. I just adore his mind and how much he cares for me, I am exceptionally lucky to have him in my life.

Someone else I am lucky to have is one of my best friends, I have never had a friend that looks after me the way he does. Kieran. In a weird way he is like my old brother, yet he is younger than me. He is always there if I am upset, or unwell, or even needing taken to hospital. After my bad few weeks I have had, he decided he would get me a present. One of my obsessions – as a 20-year-old female – is unicorns. I always joke that I was born to be one and that they are my spirit animal. So as a good friend he bought me a gorgeous unicorn onesie as a really early 21st present. It’s the one thing that has happened recently that has picked me up a bit. I cried when he gave me it, which made me feel ridiculous.

Sometimes you definitely need a unicorn onesie as a pick me up.

I hope you are all well, I will try write more when I get a chance, Even if it is complete rubbish.

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