Sorry I haven’t posted in a few days, I’ve had quite a lot going on. Currently I have the stress of a new job, an exam next week and 2 lab reports due for the next few days. So, as you can imagine, my brain is currently the consistency of putty.
So yesterday was my first proper class at college in a very long time. I was really excited for going to college, not specifically for the lecture, but for seeing my friends. One of my close friends from college suffers from anxiety, so she completely understands what I am going through and that sometimes I physically can’t attend college. It makes a really big difference having someone who understands as much as she does.
I always find the journey to college the hardest part of the day – as I have previously mentioned. I’m not sure what it is about it, it’s a toss-up between the stress of making sure I am there on time, then rushing to my second train once in Glasgow, all the people rushing about and shouting and also the stress of a stranger sitting beside me on the train. It’s stupid to be scared that someone may want to start a conversation with me, but social anxiety says otherwise. Yesterday wasn’t too bad, it seemed to be a quiet morning, I sat at a table so I could have a bit more space, a nice elderly woman sat opposite me and just smiled, I’m thankful she didn’t want to chat though. As I get closer to Glasgow on the train we go through several towns, hoards of people getting on at once, usually the train gets so packed there is people standing down the aisles and right up to the doors. So you are essentially packed in like sardines. As I got into Glasgow and got swept into the river of people rushing to work I started to hyperventilate slightly, that part always gets me. But I turned my music up – Ed Sheeran, because he is amazing – and tried to zone everyone out. I made it to my second train without completely freaking out and luckily one of my college friends was there ready to meet me. The rest of the day raced in although I left college a bit early because I was exhausted. That’s one thing about my anxiety, when I work up about something, I definitely don’t sleep the night before. I managed a solid hours sleep.
It helps to look back on the journey, maybe one day I will be able to determine the exact cause of the anxiety attacks.
As a side note I should say – I HATE proformas.