So. Shit got a lot worse. Mind my language.
I haven’t written in a while because my life went riiiiiight the way downhill. Let me fill you in. In August, just after my 21st birthday I got unwell, started off with a throat infection and ended with glandular fever. Fast forward to the end of October, still off work, still unwell, anxiety had taken a massive hold of me and I was seeing a counsellor. Get a new job running a corner shop, that was great for a few weeks until I realise I am working 30-40 hours a week when I signed up for 16. The owner refuses to give me less hours so I had to give it up for college. While ALL of this is going on I am trying to return to college, make new friends, and pick up where I left off – graded unit being most important. SOMEHOW I got an A for my plan so that was the one good thing that happened to me.
Christmas. Just as you’d expect. Relaxing, fun, a good laugh, time spent with Daniel’s Mum and a day spent with my family too. Until I notice quite bad pains. Now I have to say I have had skin sensitivity for as long as I can remember, but not like this. My clothes began to hurt. Not even rough uncomfortable clothes. What were soft, cosy pyjamas. One Saturday it got so bad I couldn’t get dressed and sat in my room crying while Dans Mum visited us. I called NHS24 and got sent to see an out of hours doctor at hospital. The result of that?
What is Fibromyalgia you may ask? It’s a chronic pain condition. It affects a wide range of things, but for me it’s my nerves. Part of it is Allodynia, which basically make your nerves amplify signals. A simple touch to you is a burning, brutal pain to me. Fibromyalgia tends to affect older women, and also tends to get worse over time. The worst cases being people unable to leave the house. Being only 21 I saw this as a life sentence. My main fears being about not being able to go out, to do all the things I wanted to do, to successfully have a family, to live my life with Daniel the way I plan etc. This was back in January time. Only having known 2 months I am still coming to grips with it and how I am meant to live my life. I still get extremely bad days where I can’t get dressed, or my skin feels like someone has poured boiling water over it and I have to take freezing cold showers just to soothe myself enough to be able to sit down. It’s a lot to process in such a short space of time. I have had one good thing come out of the last few months though. Friends.
Luckily, at college I met some of the nicest people I know. I connected with one of the girls from my class straight away, following my hard year I wanted to keep my head down and stay quiet, until I learned she had had a hard year too. Not mentioning any specifics, I was impressed with her attitude and how she instantaneously trusted me. I was able to tell her about my issues and suddenly college didn’t feel so scary. I think she will be a friend for life. Another one of the girls I have adopted is just wonderful at making me smile. She has a dry sarcastic sense of humour and I adore it, but underneath that she is so caring and sweet. The combination of these two wonderful humans is making my life much easier. Especially when I got my fibromyalgia diagnosis. I told them both almost straight away and they were both so supportive – any days I had to miss college they would get me notes and fill me in on what I’ve missed. True friends who I don’t feel awkward around at all.
I will follow up this post with information on my Fibromyalgia for anyone who is interested. I will use this as a log while I discover more information about the condition and perhaps ways to help me, and others, deal with it.
I hope you are well and your life is fabulous. Much love.